My name is Paulina, and I am the granddaughter of a former prisoner of the Neuengamme concentration camp – my wonderful, beloved Grandma Krystyna Razińska.
I grew up with the belief that the world is good, I learned how to love other people, forgive and not harbor anger in myself. My parents protected me from harm, from everything that was dangerous and not beneficial for me. As a child, I was unaware of war, death, lack of freedom, or hunger. I couldn’t imagine it all, couldn’t believe that it wasn’t a made-up myth. As a teenager, I participated in trips to Germany on the anniversaries of the liberation of the concentration camp.
I am now 40 years old, I am a mother and an independent woman. I live and work in Warsaw. I am a manager in a medical clinic. I have two jobs. I live alone because that’s how my personal life turned out. I love to laugh, to live, to dance, to ride a bike. I like a good movie and a good book. I really like getting to know new people, their stories, I like talking and writing. I am very similar to my grandmother. I have the strength and willingness to act and overcome obstacles.
Thank you, Grandma, for the values you passed on to us, for what kind of person you were and what you taught us. Thank you, Grandma, for raising us to believe in God and love. Grandma was all that was beautiful amidst the filth of war. We miss you, Grandma, your stories that we could listen to forever, your kind words and good advice. The war taught us all a lot.
I’ll carry your courage within me, Grandma, forever.
How did you learn about your grandmother’s story?
Grandma never talked about the war. Instead, she told me fairy tales and imaginary stories with happy endings where good prevails. I didn’t know about Grandma’s story for a long time. In fact, I found out about it when Grandma was leaving for Germany to celebrate the liberation of the concentration camp. I was about 15 then, the same age as my grandma when she was separated from her parents and sent to the camp.
The first person who introduced me to the family history was my mother. She told me about Grandma and the war she had survived without going into too much detail. She told me about the annual celebrations at our neighbors’ and about other people who had suffered during the war. As a teenager, I was not fully aware of the seriousness of the situation, I couldn’t fully grasp its meaning. When I started accompanying my grandmother on her trips to Germany, I delved deeper into the subject and asked for more stories and details from Grandma’s life.
Today I am sure that Grandma didn’t tell us everything and took a lot of suffering with her. She did not like to dwell in the past and talk about Nazi crimes in the family circle or in interviews. Grandma was very patient and humble. What was to see the light of day, she wrote down on white sheets of paper which have been preserved to this day. She shared her thoughts with others. She also accepted invitations to Germany with great joy. I regarded Grandma as a hero, almost like someone from a movie, someone extraordinary and unusual and she was my grandma. I was very proud of her, I saw respect and admiration for her in other people’s eyes. I saw goodness, love, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Even when Granny talked about hunger, beatings, jewelry being pulled out, torture, she told it like a story, as if it didn’t concern her. There was no remorse in her voice, no desire for revenge, no offense. That’s why anger, revenge, and contempt were foreign to me. I have never heard a bad word about Germans. She didn’t judge, she never judged. One day, we will all be held accountable for our actions, Grandma said often.
What influence does your family history have on the person you are today?
Having learned about the atrocities of war, my mother is always prepared for any situation that may arise in the country. Her home is filled with flour, sugar, and food supplies with long expiration dates.
Jewelry, valuable items, and mementos are kept in a box for easier transport in case of emergency. When Russia’s war in Ukraine began, the images of the war my Grandma had survived came back to me. As a family, we made contingency plans about where each of us would run to find shelter. This may seem absurd, but it’s true. In the case of perceived threat, even if it is unlikely, our family will arm themselves with everything necessary to protect themselves – like soldiers. We don’t underestimate anything.
Feelings like anxiety and fear are familiar to me. Although on the outside I can seem strong like Grandma, invincible and indestructible, inside I am ruled by fear, anxiety, and a sense of helplessness.
What kind of person am I now? I am a happy woman who appreciates life and knows that life is the most valuable thing we have. I live in the moment and appreciate what I have. I don’t want more. Grandma taught me to forgive. I know what is good and what is bad. War teaches humility, war changes. Although I haven’t personally experienced war, I have learned about human brutality through stories, photos, videos and meetings. I live here and now.
What elements of your family history and values will you pass on to the next generation(s)?
I am a mother of an 11-year-old girl. I live alone and can handle everything on my own. I don’t harbor anger if I get hurt. Some people are surprised and say that I’m too kind, that I’m strange and that one must fight. Sometimes fighting is the wrong way to cope with reality. The world is beautiful, but we can’t see it. The problem lies in ourselves, hence the wars.
Personally, I prefer to move on and not look back. I want to carry only the good in myself so I can enjoy life and feel free. These are the values I will pass on to my daughter. I haven’t told her my family history yet. I’ll do it when she turns 15. Natalia didn’t get to know her great-grandmother. At least Grandma got the chance to hold the little girl, her great-granddaughter, in her arms right before she died.
Friendships and love are very important. Wealth, houses, toys, and gadgets don’t matter. What matters for my daughter and me is a warm home, food, safety and friendships. Maybe that’s why it’s easier for me despite many upheavals in my life.
How did you come to be involved in the national association? What does your involvement mean to you?
I am not a member of an association. In the 1990s, I used to go with Grandma to the annual celebrations of the liberation of the concentration camp every May. Grandma was the chairwoman of the Association of former Ravensbrück prisoners in Warsaw, she did so much. A movie was also made about her. It’s called “Der Zug von Sülstorf”. In it, my grandma tells her story to my brother. I still have a video tape with the movie.
At the meetings, I represented the youth. We traveled together with other Poles: Janusz Kahl, Henia Sadowska, Irena Piwowarska, Zbigniew Foltynski. I met many wonderful people whom we visited in Hamburg during holidays with Grandma. I know Mrs. Urszula Spinkiewicz too, who is in contact with me.
I haven’t done anything great. I was only with Grandma and it was the greatest honor for me that I could accompany her every step of the way through her memories. Grandma’s heart remained in Hamburg, there is her biography with photos at the memorial. A piece of her remained there.
I carry the rest within me.
